Monday, December 12, 2011

All I wanted

I finally got what i wanted from my husband a slow dance where he held me me close and kiss me. He doesnt dance but there has been something that has changed with him and I. He has asked me what I needed my ife counselor has asked me my best friend has asked me L what do you want from your marriage.? As trivial as it sounds i said with all seriousness in my heart " I just want a slow dance to a song that means something to the moment"

So we danced to the band perrys all your life.

And i cried. I cried because my heart felt full my heart felt important. I cried because I was afraid for that dance to end.

I guess i should explain some of the reason for my seperation, i feel into a depression 8 months and i stopped loving myself and became very angry. I didnt want the help of my husband my family my friends i just was angry and sad and hurt. I just wanted to hurt myself and disappear off the face of the planet. My heart was broken. It took a huge toll on my marriage. To the point where my husband said he couldnt do this and that in order fornua to be together i needed to get help from somewhere the church a profesional some sort of help. I hurt my husband and i hurt my marriage. I hurt myself. Enough was enough and i had to leave tough love was being institued. I had to leave to my mothers because he felt he had run out out options on this road to help me. The scariest thing about the seperation was not knowing what was next. Thinking was the worst thing ever. I had to think about everything i would loose. My patner in life, my business partner, my family on his side of the family, my dog. Nothing monetary value but everything of value to my heart.

The dance ended but he still held me. He told me he loved me. He told me he was glad i was back

1 comment:

  1. This makes me very sad. I hate that you have been so depressed. It sounds awful.

    But I'm glad you have someone in your life who loves you unconditionally. Because you know your husband does when he truly does stick by you through the thick and thin. Not many people have someone like that in their lives...

    I really hope you are feeling better as time goes by. Just remember the dance.